Dreams vs. Reality

First let me apologize for not blogging everyday. As we are all well aware, when we get back into the swing of college, time seems to become a precious commodity, chewed up constantly by classes, work, social time, etc.

Last night and today, I had to make a tough decision, one that pitted people against each other, and put my ideals to the true test.

To give some background before I tell the story, I had always been a dreamer. I believed, no matter what, the impossible could be achieved. Nothing was unattainable. Straight As? No problem. A trip to Fort Walton to visit my soon to be ex? It was easy.

Originally when I had applied to go on a trip to London, I had accounted for the cost and thought I had everything planned to the T. But when the economy bottomed out, no one could expect that money would become scarce or even hard to come by. But it did.

Sooner than later, costs started their steep climb to the astronimical levels and savings became harder and harder to continue.

And then I came back from winter break, prepared to get London sewn together in a nice and neat bow. Then, I got hit with a figure I couldn't POSSIBLY take care of: 12,350 dollars.

I thought, not everything is lost, this is manageable. There has to be a way of doing this. But as the clock continued to tick, prospects grew dimmer and the probability was no longer in my favor.

As of 11:00 PM of last night, I left it at there was a way to make this happen. When I woke up this morning, the stress climbed a couple of notches, and I hadn't even rolled out of bed. I tried to continue to sleep, hoping, praying there would be something to save me from this nightmare. But one thing after another made me cringe and my stomach do somersaults. It wasn't a way to live, and we all know how much I abhor stressing about impossible situations. I finally sat down and searched my conscious and finally decided to throw in the towel.

Now most of you are reading this probably scratching your heads or yelling at the computer at this decision. Why didn't you try harder? You would have found a way!

At the end of the day though, how would that decision impact me further down the road? Let's face it people, the average student gathers roughly 30-40,000 dollars (and this is an estimated figure and probably way OFF) in student loans, taking perhaps their entire life to pay them off. With London on the books, who knows how much I would be out. How much more loans I would have to take out? Some say this is the best option. To me, I think this is suicide.

As we enter these uncertain times, let's face it: we don't want to accumulate too much debt. It's getting harder and harder to pay it off. While London would have been amazing, the prospect of facing that added debt, BEFORE GRAD SCHOOL, it just wasn't worth it in the end.

What I learned today is sometimes it's great to dream, but to dream too much amidst a harsh reality can be detrimental. True, dreams to give us hope, but when you are faced with the truth that this perhaps a dream that won't come true, perhaps you need to concede. The greatest fighters in the world are great because they know when it's ok to throw in the towel and give up.

Giving up, so un-American of us. Not really. Perhaps it's more of a reallocation of priorities?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this? Though my decision is final and set in stone, opinions are always welcome. Be vocal, but be polite. This has been a very trying time and I feel bad as it is.