I'll meet you at the door

When one door closes, another one opens. It's common sense right?


So with the closing of the winter break and the beginning of spring semester about to commence, excitement is in the air as well as nervousness. Last semester really tested my mettle and really made me question a lot about myself and how I operate as a human being. I felt I needed to embark on a soul search, and I'm not so sure that soul searching is done. I thought it was, but the more I sit and think about it, I don't think it is.

Life is complicated. No shit right? But as every day progresses, new problems arise, new situations are created, and we as people (not humans) have to confront them and face them. Right now, I'm faced with several obstacles, most of them more personal than professional.

As I commented yesterday, I began to purge my emotions and was contemplating whether or not I was becoming emotionally dead. I thought to myself, I think I'm pushing the envelope too much with this motive. But as the days get longer, and the challenges become greater, it's nice to contemplate not having emotions.

But then, you're grasped with the notion of not being able to feel happiness or joy. You're not able to grasp or bathe in the emotional waterfall of a good book or a great movie. Is this the price you must pay for sanity? Or are you just gaining a new form of insanity?

When the night falls on the land, fears come out to plague the mind and try to strangle it to submission. As I look out my window right now, the lights guide a path through the various buildings, but inside, I feel my inner light has been extinguished a bit by my fear. And that's not right. I am afraid, but I am not paralyzed by my fear.

How can it beneficial to be paralyzed by one's fear? I feel like this is a topic people have debated for years and given countless solutions to. But to me, I don't feel there is a ready made solution, but rather that comfort comes from discussion and talk. It's funny because the latter isn't favored by our society anymore. I mean, think about it. In a world heightened by the advancement of technology, how often do you converse with a person face to face?


I showed you the answers and now here's the door-Duffy, "Warwick Avenue"

Have I been shown the answers? Of course not. My favorite blogger, Davey Wavey, recently posted a question to his readers asking if they wanted to know the date of their departure to the nether world. I thought to myself, how morbid! Why would anyone want to know that? But as you think about it, maybe there is comfort in knowing that. I mean, if you know when you are going to die on a certain date and time, what would you do before then?

But then I think to myself, aren't some things just left to chance? If I knew when I would die, I don't think I could truly live. It would be like a final countdown and that wouldn't be living. That would be death.

Drop the past and be true- Duffy

Drop the past, what a comforting thought. I want to. I would love to forget everything that happened to me in the past 20 years and be able to just have now until the day I die. But, again, you sacrifice those ultimate cherished moments. Your first kiss. Your first report card with straight As. The time you and your Mom had time to yourself and just chatted like friends. The time you and your Dad played tennis, even though he left with a groin injury and you a hurt ego. Those are memories you can't sacrifice for anything, even if it's peace of mind. Why would you?

I think what I'm getting at here is as I embark on this new semester, it's ok to feel this way. I wouldn't be human either wise. At the same time though, being paralyzed by fear, that's not living. That's true death. The day you start that, you might as well carve your tombstone.


Here's to the new semester, may it be a blessed one.