The Power of Goodbye

There's nothing left to try
There's no place left to hide
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye- Madonna

At the end of every break, we utter those two words as we depart from our childhood homes to return back to college. And every year, it seems to get tougher and tougher.

This past break was blissful in nature. i rediscovered something, went on a path of self rediscovery, confronted demons, and became content with the person I am. In three weeks no less. Through this time, I bonded with my parents, realizing that perhaps they are my only true family, both biologically and emotionally.

I gained a new sense of the world through art, realizing its immense potential to change the world and your mind in little less than three hours. Life became precious and choices became more crucial as you begin to enter the real world. Will I take this job? Do I go to grad school? Where does life lead me?

And then there are the good byes. Each year, we utter those words several times, but do we ever take time to realize the gravity of those two words? As hard as it may seem, you are departing from a person, and sometimes you may never know when you might return to them, if you will ever.

At the bus station this past weekend, my parents bid adieu to me as I began to travel back to college. They offered me a hug and kiss goodbye, and I declined. As I look back on that event, there is this sense of guilt about what I did. True, it's not like I'm never going to see them again, but I didn't say anything. I just put on my shades and just left. I called them up later and apologized to which I got the usual: it's ok, we know what you meant. But the guilt never left.

It's hard nowadays to try and control your emotions. And when you're like me, trying to caution one's emotions before they get out of hand is hard. And as college revs back up and the stress begins...shutting yourself down seems like the best option. But who gets hurt in the process? To become emotionally dead isn't the right answer, but in public, is emotionality frowned upon? I know I'm not a celebrity yet, but I'm not the hugest fan of finding a picture of me showering the ground with tears because I'm saying goodbye to somebody. My emotional time is saved for in private and not in public. I tried the opposite and you start caring TOO much about how others will react. You want their sympathy so much, you go to crazy extremes.

So am I wrong? The only true person who can say that is me. I do feel guilty and I don't think the guilt will go anywhere anytime soon, but for the sake of just chugging along, I'll probably sweep it under the rug and deal with it later. Judge me all you want, but sometimes that's what you have to do, in my opinion.

Goodbyes are never easy, but becoming an emotional mess and wasting all that energy...now that's a crime.